fear and today

I was reading about Paul's weaknesses in 2 Cor. 12 this morning as I was contemplating my own. The more I contemplated them the more I was getting paralyzed just looking at them. Weaknesses in my kids somehow reflect back to me, weaknesses in my marriage, weaknesses of the flesh, of communication, of it all! If Paul could boast in his weaknesses would they be like mine? Maybe the only difference is that he kept on going, counting on Christ's Spirit to cover him.
This past year has been one of paralyzed fear. Of seeing my weaknesses and not wanting to go on. I will never be strong in myself. I am grieving that aspect of life. On the other side though is freedom, freedom to serve Him in humility. Even writing that seems like a pipe dream as my pride jumps up square in my face.
As I was reading about Paul's weaknesses in 2 Cor. 12, it seems as though there are some days when all I see are my weaknesses and they tend to paralyze me, today is one of those days. I will always be weak, and if I wait till I am strong I will never serve anyone. I am to serve in spite, and allow Christ to work in me. Today I need to by faith to appropriate that. Some days it is harder than others.

“It is rare that Christians earnestly seek the Lord’s face when things are going swimmingly, when material blessings abound and we seem to be protected from the vicissitudes faced by others. But in the blackness of discouragement, when we are harassed and downcast, we may indeed turn to the Lord and acknowledge our helplessness apart from his grace; we may do so knowing that God is a compassionate God and that Jesus’ compassion was particularly directed toward the harassed and the helpless.”
D A Carson