Reducing is not fun. The benefits are though. No, I am not talking about losing weight although the similarities often overlap. I am referring to, as John the Baptist said, "He must increase and I must decrease." (John 3:30)
Not too long ago I was asking a friend questions that correspond with Titus 2 about what older women are to ask younger women. I being the older woman of the group felt like that was a good place to start concerning our being accountable. Titus 2 says, "younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." We had a good conversation. I asked specifically about being busy at home. We talked a little about what that meant. Both of them work outside the home, and I do not, anymore anyway. I have been mulling this around in my heart lately. Thats where the "reducing" comes in.
Almost two years ago I had a ministry, a job that I loved, and a home filled with a myriad of activities. In one day it was taken away. I have been mourning ever since. I have fought, cajoled, begged, been depressed, been angry, been miserable, prayed and prayed and prayed. Every time I think an opportunity comes up God has slammed the door shut. Every time I have felt like, OK I will go there and do that, I will be busy doing this, I will minister or teach or do whatever over there, bang closes the door. I have been forced to as Psalm 137:1 says, "By the waters of Babylon there we sat down and wept, when we remembered Zion." God took the temple and temple worship away from His children and they were sitting by the banks of the waters of Babylon, wishing for the past. Little did they know that this was ushering the Messiah.
What does this have to do with Titus 2, and about being busy at home? I have missed the forest for the blessings of the trees. I must admit there have been days when I have sat in bed and felt utterly sorry for myself, but God has given me a ministry and it is at home. I don't always get the admiration at home as I did at my teaching job, I don't always hear how smart I am, or organized I am, but God has called me to serve my family whether I get what I think I deserve or not. He is teaching me much on the banks of the river of Babylon. Character issues I could never learn anywhere else; servanthood, selflessness, dying to live, waiting, patience, faith in God Himself not His blessings, dependence, and without prayer nothing is accomplished, without Him nothing is worth doing or living for. In some ways I am waiting and in other ways I am learning that I have everything I need and I don't have to wait to live now!
But waiting is hard. Waiting on what? I don't know what. I don't know where, or I don't know when. I don't even know if ever. So, I need to live for now, with the relationships that God has blessed me with not looking forward, or backward. But at the same time learning from the past and looking for Home. My story is being woven not for my story but for His, and I can trust that the reducing that I am going through is to make me more like Jesus. That is a story I am looking forward to, and at the same time, it makes me long for Home.
Waiting on the Bridegroom.................Lynn
5 comments:
Thanks for sharing your heart - well said! Sure do miss you guys!
I know what you mean about suddenly feeling like it's all been taken away. Remembering those days helps me to be thankful for the things I find to do at home.
(Many women I've encountered view Titus 2 as an admonition to STAY at home, meaning not to have outside work, which is not what I see it's point to be. I think the main admonition is against idleness - and also against the habit some are in of being busybodies, going house to house, etc.)
You know, that old saying from the 70's, or whenever it showed up, may sound trite, but it comes to my mind over and over and over: "Bloom where you are planted". Isn't that just what God has called us to do? Let your light shine right where He's stuck you. Blessings to you, Lynn, and comfort, joy, and direction from our Lord.
Lynn, your post speaks to me where I am these days -- at home, learning lessons of the heart, waiting for guidance, learning to lean on God. After 40 years of relying on myself and receiving plenty of pats on the back for my work "outside the home," it's really hard at times to serve my family. Thanks for your words. I appreciate you sharing so honestly.
I know this has been a painful season for you...love you and praying that as you come to the end of yourself (decreasing) the blessings will abound as He is able to increase.
And we thought diets were painful!
Interesting blog, I am glad I cam across it. After 30+ years in the church, I have discovered that God only has one will for me. Sometimes it has been out there slaying the giants, and other times it has been comforting a 3-year-old that has been up all night throwing up. God only has one will.
As we traverse life and work out our salvation with fear and trembling, God only has one will; may He gently reveal it to you with an outpouring of love and passion.
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