This month has been a very scarce month for my blogging. Upsidedown bee says, if you don't write everyday people will forget about you. I figure I have all but lost most of you. The next week is going to prove very difficult as well. We are closing on our house on Monday, and Wednesday we close and move on the new one in Charlotte.
I have read about 15 books this month, but haven't written down anything yet. I began a personal devotional book for a friend, but don't know if I want to write them down for all, until I get it finished.
I do feel lost though. Don't really know why. I am scared of people, friends, and even neighbors. This last year has been very difficult, and I really thought I was doing quite well. It seems that fear has taken a hold of parts of my heart though. They say men are very good at compartmentalizing difficulties, but I have "learned" over the years that I am great at this skill.
Just giving the last remnants of you insight into my psyche...............Lynn
6 comments:
"I am scared of people, friends, and even neighbors".
Thanks for sharing openly. I can certainly relate. I was actively taught growing up that women are not to be trusted. Well, no human is trustworthy in the purest sense, but to be taught this about women (especially since I am a woman)has been self-fulfilling, isolating, and crippling. Becoming a Christian lead me to desire relationships with other women, but it did not erase my dread (or, unfortunately the cruel behavior I've endured and witnessed).
I've found it's an ongoing struggle myself, for love to overcome the fear - to risk being victimized in attempts to build relationships - to fail over and over. I think I've met with more failure than success myself.
Blessings and courage to you, Lynn, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Not forgotten, just missed. Feeling a lot the same, actually. Reading, too. Just finished Not the Way It's Supposed to Be....boy, was that good! Just like you said...Miss your writing, too...so...who's the devotion book for? Hmmmm??? I know next week will be busy, but maybe I can still drive over after work one day? Did you get my message? An afternoon of gabbing and then dinner at the Mexican resteraunt, etc, etc? Or, horrors upon horrors, helping you pack? :0)Love you, B.
Hey, have just looked through yours and B's blog for first time in a while, haven't touched mine in months - too much going on, too little time, too raw feelings! I am there with you with the fear - fear for me of what the Lord has for me next, afraid I am not up for it, fear of losing dad, fear of being home but still not connected. But, I have your same ability - years ago a counselor told me I was the best "compartmentalizer" she had ever seen. I wish I could as easily just cry out to the Father and lift it all up to Him! Love ya! C. PS Hope to see you soon, but am spending all my time now running back and forth between TVille and Ocala!
Lynn, you and your blog could NEVER be forgotten! Glad you are taking time to do what you need to do for your self. I am excited about your new house, however, I can imagine that you lake house is indeed a safe place! We will pray for you and your family as you move - love you
It's fine to leave for a while as long as you come back...
Lynn, I appreciate this kind of honest writing most of all. I find myself in these "lost" places, too, time and again. I often think it's connected with the writer's temperment. We feel things deeply and don't shy away from grief and pain. It's a gift that has its very hard side. Looking forward to having you in Charlotte.
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