Lynn's Musings

 

I had my quiet time this morning. I do not say that to brag in anyway, but I used to. I would check it off the list, feel good about myself, and think that God was obligated to give me a good day.

To follow up with what I wrote Monday on Matthew 5, during the above time in my process of sanctification, I would visualize myself with a Bible in one hand, over my head, and a devotional book in the other one holding them like barbells at the same time doing deep knee bends. Discipline, that was the word, discipline. I started having my doubts when in the course of my disciplined day I would sin grievously. I would then beat myself up, and discipline myself harder than before. Some where along the way, I became desperate. All my discipline was not getting me "better." I would cry and ask God why He made such a looser, after all, all I wanted was to be good for Him. Then I had to teach Matthew 5.

At about the same time I also was introduced to an old hymn:

1 Come, ye sinners, poor and wretched,

Weak and wounded, sick and sore;

Jesus ready stands to save you, Full of pity joined with pow'r:

He is able, He is able, He is able, He is willing; doubt no more;

He is willing; doubt no more.

2 Come, ye needy, come and welcome, God's free bounty glorify;

True belief and true repentance, Ev'ry grace that brings you nigh,

Without money, Without money, Without money,

Come to Jesus Christ and buy;

Come to Jesus Christ and buy.

3 Come, ye weary, heavy laden, Bruised and broken by the fall;

If you tarry till you're better, You will never come at all:

Not the righteous, Not the righteous,

Not the righteous,

Sinners Jesus came to call; Sinners Jesus came to call.

4 Let not conscience make you linger, Nor of fitness fondly dream;

All the fitness he requireth Is to feel your need of him; This

he gives you, This he gives you, This he gives you; '

Tis the Spirit's rising beam; 'Tis the Spirit's rising beam.

5 Lo! th'incarnate God, ascended, Pleads the merit of his blood;

Venture on him, venture wholly, Let no other trust intrude:

None but Jesus, None but Jesus,

None but Jesus Can do helpless sinners good;

Can do helpless sinners good.

Look especially at the fourth verse. I dreamed of fitness, my own. I dreamed of my own discipline that would "make me better." If I had one more quiet time, if I was more consistent, If I just pleased Him more. When you have this mindset, then everything bad that happens is your fault. Matthew 5 showed me the way out of my own "spiritual prison."

3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

I couldn't and can't make myself better. Only Jesus can. I please Him now. Does that mean that I don't practice the spiritual disciplines any longer? Yes, I do, but with far different motives. Does this mean that now my motives are always right, no far from it, but the eyes of my heart see things differently now, and I will continue to bear the effects of sin this side of eternity.

After, by His grace, I began to learn these truths, my perspective changed. I even read the Bible differently. All those passages that I thought meant, "Lynn you are not good enough, you are just not fit, you are not obedient enough, "whatever" enough, etc...etc...." I even saw those things in a different light. No, your right, I'm not good enough, fit enough, or obedient enough, but by His grace I am HIS, and He is good enough. My quiet times blossomed, my "work" for the church took on new meaning, I was His! Oh blessed thought. God wanted my humility, my dependence, not my misplaced pride. He loves me. He was bringing the trials, the hard things in my life BECAUSE He loved me. I thought if I was His, He would take away the trials, since He didn't I must be bad, or not doing something right. Was I wrong. These simple truths have changed my life more than anything else. Imagine a prison where everything but perfection alone let you have peace.

Come ye sinners poor and wretched, weak and wounded, sick and sore.....Lynn