Saturday Sitdowns; vol. 4; My Dark Heart

I analyze everything.  I analyze why people do the things that they do, why I do things the way that I do, are they wired that way, did they react because they are unaware of why they do the things they do, do I react, am I proactive, have I learned, do I know my motives, have my motives changed over the years, are all my motives from self interest, what about others, what would cause them to do that?  Do you get the picture?  My husband gets very tired of my rattling on and on about the whys of life, the whys of peoples character, and the whys that I ask of myself and others.  Even as I am typing this I wonder; do all people think this way?  or is just me, am I weird?  I am constantly questioning the questions, pondering the insights into the dark recesses of the human mind and the human heart.  I do not know where it has gotten me.  I really do not know whether it is a good pursuit or not, but I do know that the more that I ponder who God is and His character, and motives then I cannot get enough of the knowledge of Him and of people.  Most of the time He shows me the just how deep runs the depravity in my heart, then He tells me because of the darkness in me I had better have grace for others as they love me imperfectly, or treat me as I treat them.  Christ is the only one that ever came to live a perfectly sinless life, we cannot.  I fall so short of loving people the way God loves me.  Sometimes, I think I am doing pretty good, and then I find myself doing even good things for others just to get something I want, like love, approval, and affirmation.  

Jesus said to love others as I have love you.  I am usually looking out for number one, making sure that I don't love in a way that is threatening to my own comfort.  Jesus said also that He was the way, the truth, and the life.  Truth, truth, not just propositional truth as set down in axioms, presuppositions, or  syllogisms.  Truth, exposing those things that are false in me.  Those false ways, false motives, and false caverns in the depth of my soul.  It is much easier to deal with logic than to deal with the true depths of the sin in my heart.  

As I analyze the reasons and the motives of why I wrote this blog the way that I did, would you ask Christ to look into the truth of your heart, and to see what wicked ways are in your heart?  Because, actually, that is what I am doing right now.