Sunday Sabbath-vol. #3; Psalm 34

I was talking to a friend on the phone tonight feeling guilty once again for being honest with her as I was doubting the goodness of God.  Oh, I want to cry just putting it out there for anyone to read.  Once again I am wondering how God can be my loving, gentle Father in all the tough circumstances of life.  I thought I was over this, ready to move on, to minister to, not be the one who needs ministering to.  What a farce, what a false understanding of the Gospel.  

His Word is my only hope.  

Psalm 34:  

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"

These things I remember as I pour out my soul:  how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng."

This Psalm reveals a multitude of my emotions, puts them in the light, helps me to verbalize them, and makes me know that I am not alone.  

My soul thirsts.  

Recently, I have been trying to change my lifestyle.  I have some health problems that are not going to go away unless I do.  I have worked up to walking 2 hours every day.  It has not been easy, especially when it was 100+ degrees outside.  I discovered a new phenomenon on my walks in the heat.  I take along an ice filled water bottle, and try not to consume it in the first hour.  The thing that I noticed is that when I finally would take a drink I could feel it all over my body.  My extremities would feel cooler immediately.  Am I that "thirsty" for God, or for a ministry, a friend, a place.....?  I am thirsty, but what am I really thirsty for?   I want to feel His coolness permeate my soul.   For as the writer here, my soul is downcast.  He thirsts as well.  He verbalizes it, and even writes it down.  He not only writes it down he takes it a step further and makes it his song in the night.  God has not lifted his affliction, but he sings.  Not a song of praise, but a song of lament.  He remembers the times of real worship with God's people.  The times he wept, sang, rejoiced, prayed, and lifted his hands in worship to His God with the people of God.  I remember as well.  

"Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.  My soul is downcast within me; from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon-from Mount Mizar.  

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.  by day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me-a prayer to the God of my life."  

"All your waves and breakers have swept over me."  He attributes life for him right now as from the hand of a sovereign God.  I have been scuba diving several times and to have the waves break over your head not being able to rise above the surface even for a little while can be terrifying.  These breakers are from the hand of God.

"I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me?  Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"  My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?"  Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."  

This day I have come to the Father just as I am, and asked these same questions. The Psalm 

stops here. He says he will yet praise God.  That is preaching the Gospel to myself.  

The circumstances are not over, fixed, not felt, and I am not in euphoria land, 

but I will YET praise God, my Savior and my God.

Once again confessing, repenting, and waiting on the Bridegroom .....Lynn