Some of my friends are at the beach this weekend. They have gone down to work on one of the couples homes. I
wish I was with all of them. I
wish I could have gone. I
wish I could have gone and played with them for the weekend. I
wish I could break bread with them as neighbors and friends again. I miss them all. There are so many things that I
wish, long, and miss right now. It's not that I am fighting God's will, or am not content doing what I am doing. It isn't even that I am resentful of any of life's circumstances. I just
wish.........My mother had a saying when I was growing up; "if
wishes were horses, beggars would ride." I can just imagine one of us children
wishing for ice cream, candy, a friend, a circumstance that we or she could not give us, and about that time is when she would insert her saying into the fray. My response to her saying is, BUT I AM A BEGGAR. I have to beg for everything, don't I? Steve Brown, a pastor and speaker, has a saying about beggars also. He says, "I am just one beggar showing other beggars where to find bread." How do these two sayings go together, or do they? Just pondering all of this.
I do feel like I am a beggar. I think that I begged and have prayed for everything that I hold, and held dear. Those things that I am wishing for were begged for too. Friends, a family (in the form of the church), a ministry. In some ways I feel like You have taken them all away. Were they idols in my heart to be torn away so that they would not be forever challenging Your preeminence in my life? Was it just not Your will, Your perfect will that tore those things from me? The Bible is full of instances where You hold all the above mentioned things high. You want us to pray for the gift of teaching in order to teach, I did. You want us to prefer being with the Body of Christ, which is Your Bride, in order to give us a family, a place where acceptance is held dear, where everyone "knows your name." You hold up friendship between brothers and sisters as a good, noble, and honorable thing to be sought after, nourished and cultivated as a gardener would a beautiful watered garden. I did all those things. I prayed for years that You would make me a Bible teacher, You did. I prayed for years to have a close knit church family, You gave me one.
I am seeking You as a child who has put down their toys, climbed up into their parent's lap and just rest. Nuzzling my head between Your arm and chest I am holding on to You. I don't have the answers. Maybe I never will.
Resting.........Lynn
PS Ken just sent this via email. Thought it was good and pertinent.
The “A-to-Z” of the Christian Life
“The gospel shows us that our spiritual problem lies not only in failing to obey God, but also in relying on our obedience to make us fully acceptable to God, ourselves and others.
Every kind of character flaw comes from this natural impulse to be our own savior through our performance and achievement. On the one hand, proud and disdainful personalities come from basing your identity on your performance and thinking you are succeeding. But on the other hand, discouraged and self-loathing personalities also come from basing your identity on your performance and thinking you are failing.
Belief in the gospel is not just the way to enter the kingdom of God; it is the way to address every obstacle and grow in every aspect. The gospel is not just the “ABCs” but the “A-to-Z” of the Christian life.
The gospel is the way that anything is renewed and transformed by Christ — whether a heart, a relationship, a church, or a community. All our problems come from a lack of orientation to the gospel. Put positively, the gospel transforms our hearts, our thinking and our approach to absolutely everything.”
- Timothy Keller, Paul’s Letter to the Galatians: Living in Line with the Truth of the Gospel (Redeemer Presbyterian Church, 2003), 2.
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