Shattered Dreams.....

What do you do when you go through something and realize life will never be the same again?  I usually want my blogs to be positive and uplifting.  Today, as many days lately, I just do not feel very positive.  Life has taken me to a place where I know it will never be the same as it was before, and I am grieving.  The friends are still there, but they will never be as accessible as they once were. Every time I go to a church I am reminded that my church family has been torn from me never to be the same again.  I know that God is sovereign.....but this hurt seems to keep on going on.  

We went to a little ARP church last week.  It was sweet.  There were about 25 people there, including four of my children, my husband and me.  We had communion together.  We stood around in a circle at the front of the church and took it together.  It was really sweet.  Of all the churches we have been to since February 24th, this little part of the body of Christ was the most friendly one of all.  All of the other churches we have been to, no one spoke to us.  At this church everyone spoke to us!  They may have been amazed that there were visitors there, I don't know.   It didn't matter to me, I was thrilled that someone wanted me to be in their midst. It feels so awful to know that there is a group of people that I am barred from seeing, speaking to, holding, and loving anymore.  People that I loved for so very long have been ripped out of my reach.  Oh, I still have memories.  I remember when The Robbins coming to see us in Albany. Suzanne was only in the second grade!  Now she is married, and in grad school.  They were on their way to Disney World.  I remember Joel Clary telling me that his wife years ago had to have thyroid surgery and he told his kids that the doctors almost cut her head off!  I remember all the kids, at the store front, playing in the bamboo.  I remember when Ellen got stung by a billion wasps in that same bamboo.  Every year, in the early years, we would gather up all the kids and put them on the back of a pickup and they would be in the Christmas parade downtown, donning their angel and shepherd costumes.  I remember the kids plays, and productions put on by Susan Boulton.  When we built the building before the carpet went down, we wrote the names of the people we were witnessing to on the floor, to always remind us why we were there, and to pray for them to know Jesus.  How many get togethers have we had at the lake?  A million kids running around, lots of food, lots of laughter, and lots of love.  Joe B. always fell asleep on the couch, we just let him sleep.  The times on the boat going to look at the fireworks, getting caught in the rain, retreats, all my women friends, etc, etc,....  I could go on and on and on.  These people that I loved for so very long.......

I know I am being melodramatic, but I have no where where a group of people want to see me.  CS Lewis would say that the longing of these things just proves there is a heaven, where there will be a group of people that love me, accept me, and will never kick me out.  I am longing for that place.  

Can't Wait for the Bridegroom....Lynn