For the Rest of my Life...

I am on an adventure of journaling these days. Having done it in the past very diligently, I know the benefit of keeping a regular journal.  A friend has challenged me to enter into it again and try to write at least three pages of my "stream- of -consciousness" every morning.  I have turned that into a way to take every thought captive. 

"We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ."   

I have enjoyed it so much, that I have said that I hope that I can do it for the rest of my life (FRL).  For the rest of my life, that phrase keeps popping up over and over recently.  I will eat right, FRL.  I will exercise daily, FRL.  I will write in my journal, FRL.  Lots of things are being stated that way.  

Almost fifty, I am looking at life in different ways.  In my teens all I thought about was the here and now.  In my twenties, I thought in terms of the wonderful future.  In my thirties, all I was doing was raising kids;  I don't think I thought in any other terms.  In my forties, which isn't quite over, I sensed changes, changes that may be, finally, I was "growing up."  Now that I am approaching my fifties, oh man that feels weird to say, I am sensing another change.  When I use the phrase, FRL, I mean that I know life is short.  It could be shorter than I think. 

Last weekend we all went to the funeral of a good friend's father.  She is still in her thirties.  She, in a very graphic, tangible way, must be sensing her own mortality.  As her mind goes back and forth to the playground of "what used to be,"  she realizes that life can be all too short.  I lost loved ones in my thirties as well, and as I realized life was indeed short, though,  I still had time to make things right, to "get better", to run a marathon, to loose the dreaded extra weight of five babies (and lack of self-control), to become a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better pastor's wife, a better teacher, lover, friend, etc....etc.....  But now, I still have vibrant hope, most days,  but that hope is not in myself, as much as it used to be.  Oh of course, back then, I thought that my hope was "completely" in Jesus, but so much was still in self.  I still am thinking that I am hoping "completely" in Jesus, but I know the wickedness of my own heart, the deceit that is always there being whispered in my ear with words saying, "yea, look at you, you really are trusting in Christ alone", or it could be the opposite words of self hatred, doubts of the Father's love for me, not thinking I am good enough.   Scripture tells us to think soberly of ourselves.  

"For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned."  Romans 12:3  

We are to think soberly, not too high/not too low.  Self-hatred is just as much a form of pride as thinking of ourselves as better than others, which is what we do when we are prideful about ourselves, or overly confident in self.

Philippians 2: 1-5

 "1 So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, (italics mine, I have always wanted to say that) having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus."

When I say that I am going to do this FRL, I have a more realistic view of life than I once did. When I am 87, as my mother is, I will have a completely different view.  Looking back on my fifties, I wonder what my thoughts and even my aspirations will be then, in my sixties, seventies, or eighties, that is if I live that long.  What stage of life are you in?......

Praise be to the giver and the taker of life.  He never ever stops His sanctification process in our lives, ever.